Alls fair in love and war
by goldphoenix007
Summary: Hogwarts is hosting a completely random ball out of nowhere. Harry wants to take Hermione but so does Ron. Another boy plans to do the same thing. But who does Hermione have in mind?Read to find out!This story is filled with evil plans, crazy boys, and ea
1. The beginning

Harry gazed through the window. The fog was creeping through the window while his slow breaths steamed them up.

Just then Hermione and Ron came in through the portrait hole.

"Hey Harry" they said in unison.

"Hey Ron and Hermione" Harry said enthusiastically. Harry looked at Hermione. "Wow she looked really hot." He thought. Harry was someday going to tell her he liked her and ask her out. But he couldn't seem to muster enough courage.

Hermione smiled and sat down and began to read a book. Ron sat next to Harry on the couch. Harry stared at Ron, who happened to be gazing at Hermione.

"Hey Ron….so finish all your homework mate?" Harry asked, feeling a twinge of jealousy. He didn't like Ron staring at is future girlfriend.

"Ermmmm…what Harry? Oh yea I suppose." Ron said, not even playing attention to what he was saying. He still gazed intently at Hermione.

'Right.." said Harry. He couldn't help but feel jealous at Ron. He, Harry, had to ask Hermione before Ron.

Ron, on the other hand, liked Hermione as much as Harry did. Unfortunately, Ron and Harry both liked Hermione and they both didn't know the other one liked her.

"Gods she's so hot." Ron thought through his head. Unknown to Hermione, she didn't know either of them liked her. Poor girl.

"Well I am going to go to bed. Night guys" Hermione said. With that, she went off to her dormitory.

"Night Hermione" the boys said in unison.

Harry and Ron both looked at each other. Though they smiled, the very same thought ran through their heads. "I've got to ask Hermione out before he does"

With that the boys went to bed.

The next day, the trio woke up and went on with their day as usual. When they returned from dinner that evening, they found everyone crowded around the notice board.

As they went to investigate, they found to their surprise that Hogwarts was having a ball. It was only to the 5th years and up. They read through the notice and it said you could only arrive with a partner.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione was thrilled at this ball. Harry thought this was his chance to ask out Hermione and have a steady relationship with her. Unfortunately for him, his best mate Ron was thinking exactly the same thing.

Hermione, however, didn't really notice the two boys were ogling at her. She had a person in mind. She smiled to herself and went up to bed.

Harry and Ron decided to stay a bit and talk before they too went to bed.

"So you are you going to take Harry?" Ron asked nervously. He hoped it was anyone except Hermione.

"You tell me first." Harry replied. Harry seemed to notice Ron seemed a bit nervous.

"I'm not sure yet, but I do have a person in mind." Ron said, still a bit nervously.

"Yea same here mate." Harry decided that if Ron wasn't going to spill, neither was he.

The ball was in one more day. Harry and Ron both went to bed, thinking they were going to ask out Hermione the very next day. Unknown to them, another dear little boy was thinking on the very same exact lines.


	2. Let the Race begin

**Disclaimer**: Anything you don't recognize is mine.

"_Yes well this took me some time to update. I'm not sure if I am going to continue the story or end it. There are twists. Eek ignore the grammatical errors if you see any._ This chapter is tad longer.

Today was the big day before the grand ball. Everyone rushed to ask others out. Harry and Ron woke up, thinking they'd ask Hermione out. Only it wasn't going to exactly go as they planned.

"Morning" said Harry groggily, drool splattered over his face.

"Oh yea morning" Ron said.

Harry was surprised to see Ron already dressed. There was also a very overpowering smell lingering in the air.

"Ron ughh is that cologne?" Harry said, almost choking.

"Yes do you like it?" Ron asked enthusiastically.

"Yes Ron, I simply love your cologne. Must you marinade in it?" Harry asked, annoyed by being overpowered the smell.

"Marinade? Are you saying I am a chicken?" Ron asked angrily.

"No. Ron. You are not a chicken. I'm just saying you put a bit too much on. Bit being an understatement." "Plus its like you took a bath in it, its way too strong." Harry added as an afterthought.

Ron looked at him and sighed. "I guess I did put a bit too much. " "Well I'm going to go to breakfast. Come with?" Ron asked trying to change the subject.

"Sure let me get dressed." Harry said. "Oh and by the way who are you asking out to the Ball?"

"Oh errr…. I'll tell you at breakfast. All right?" Ron said feverishly.

Harry got dressed and the two boys left for the Great Hall. As they left the common room, a simply delightful boy was getting ready to leave for the Great Hall and ask a certain someone out.

Draco Malfoy woke up with an air of confidence. His platinum blonde hair shined in the morning sun. His gray eyes were full of deep thought. He too had read the notice board. He read about the ball.

He was going to ask out Pansy Parkinson but that hag decided not too go out with him. Draco knew he had to ask out that one special girl he liked since 3rd year. He had strong feelings for her ever since she punched him. That punch was very romantic to him, in a weird twisted way.

"I am going to ask out Hermione Granger, the love of my life, to the ball. Plus she's super hot." Draco thought to himself.

Unknown to him, his two enemies wanted Hermione for themselves too. The poor boys all wanted Hermione, and they didn't know that they all did. But Hermione has someone else in mind.

Draco entered the Great Hall. It was crowded, as always. He also saw a lot of communication between the houses today. He saw all the guys approaching their girls and asking them out.

He walked up the Gryffindor table. The Golden Trio was already there and eating their breakfast. Draco put on his smirk and walked to the brown-eyed beauty.

"Hey Hermione, have any ideas who you're taking to the ball?" Draco asked, as if it was a simple matter.

Unlike Harry and Ron, Draco was more direct.

Ron sneered, "And why would you like to know Malfoy?

"None of your business Weasel." Malfoy sneered back.

Harry stared at the pair if them and a though ran through his head. "What if Malfoy asks out Hermione? No I can't let that happen!" Harry started thinking about getting to ask Hermione out first.

"Look here Ferret, Hermione shouldn't have to tell who she's going to go to the Ball with. So keep your nose out of it" Harry said to Malfoy.

The three boys are glared at each other.

Hermione, on the other hand, was too naïve to notice that any one of them has feelings for her. For someone as smart as she, she was quite daft.

"Well, I am going to go up to the library to research. Come by if you need me, Bye." Hermione said and left up for the library.

At the moment, Draco decided to walk up to Hermione and ask her then. As he stood up, Harry grabbed his cloak and said "Oh no Malfoy. You're staying here with us." "We three are going to have a little talk."

"Ermm what talk Harry?" Ron asked stupidly.

"Look here Malfoy why do you want to know Hermione's date? Harry asked hopefully.

"Ok Potter, if you must know, I'd like to ask her out?" Malfoy said, a small smile on his pale face.

Ron, who was taking this time to drink orange juice, spurted it out all over Lavender, who was sitting in front of him.

"Arrghh Ron, you imbecile!" cried out Lavender, She then left to change.

"Ask out Hermione?" Harry said, who was taken back at Malfoy asking out _his_ future girlfriend.

"Yea Malfoy explain yourself!" demanded Ron, who managed to reach normal breathing by now.

"Yes, I do plan to ask her out. And why do you care anyways?" Draco said with a smirk.

"Well, first of all, since when did you fancy Hermione?" Ron asked.

"Ever since third year" Draco replied as if they were having a pleasant conversation.

"Third year?" Ron looked appalled by the shocking news.

"Well you can't ask her out!" Harry said, trying not to strangle Malfoy then and there.

"And why cant I?" Malfoy sneered dangerously.

"Because I love her!" replied…Ron.

"What?" Harry and Draco shouted in unison.

Harry seemed horrified by this news. Malfoy wanting to ask out Hermione was one thing, but now his bets mate Ron liked her too?

"Well I have to say something too." Harry said.

"What's that?" spat Malfoy, obviously outraged.

"I-I love her too." Harry replied quietly.

Ron looked up at him, surprise in his eyes.

Malfoy, however seemed to be further outraged.

"Oh you too Potter? Why don't we start a bloody club then since we all like Granger!" Malfoy was panting heavily.

"Well we can't all go out with her." Ron said quietly.

"No I suppose we can't" Harry also said.

"Well I guess this is a race now. Whoever finds Granger and asks her out first." Malfoy said, calming down a bit and a familiar sneer coming back onto his flushed face.

" A competition to win Hermione?" Harry said, uncertainly.

Ron looked the same.

"Yes, I've just said. You guys are so stupid. It's a surprise you didn't end up in Hufflepuff." Malfoy said through an evil grin.

"Well there's only one thing to do." Harry said, in a more confident tone.

"Let the race begin!" The three boys shouted and left the Great Hall.

Hermione, however, was thinking of another guy. She left the library.

The three boys sped to the library, only to find that Hermione wasn't there.

Now it was up to them to figure out where she was and ask her out.

"OK I change my mind. This is where the race starts!" Malfoy sneered.

"Bring it on" Harry said, through gritted teeth.

"Not if I beat you two!" Ron said. With that, he ran from the library. The other two boys on his heels.

Now the race has begun. Wow this was a long chapter for me. Hope you like it. As the story goes on, it's going to have some more twists in it. Ha sorry for my sense of humor. I cant really write funny things. Please review. so I can see what you want to expect from the story.


	3. Fights, Fat, Books, and boys

**Disclaimer: **sadly, I don't own Harry Potter.

As the three boys looked for Hermione, she was in the girls' dormitory. She was reading (what a surprise) but she wasn't concentrated much on the subject. She was thinking of the boy who she liked since 2nd year. As she thought more, she heard a knock at her door.

"Who is it?" Hermione asked, more as an order than a question.

"Ginny"

Hermione opened the door and let Ginny in.

"Hey Gin, what do you want?" Hermione asked.

Ginny looked utterly disappointed and had a look of sadness and anger on her face.

"How could you betray our friendship and go out WITH HARRY?" Ginny screamed at her face.

"OK we're friends?" Hermione said enthusiastically, because she never really made any friends.

"Yes.. but that's not the point Hermione. I can't believe you would go out with Harry, my flame, who I've died for since 2nd year!"

"Yea you did kind of die for him, with the whole tom riddle diary thing." Hermione said, a bit of a grin on her face.

"SHUT UP YOU FLEA BITTEN HAG THAT EATS BOOKS!" Ginny seemed to lost it.

"OH NO YOU DIDN'T!" Hermione said, anger etched in her young but distraught face.

"No I believe I did!" Ginny shouted back, although a bit calm.

"Well I'm not a Harry-licking, Harry-breathing, piece of lard!" Hermione said, trying really hard to strangle the redhead's throat.

"OMG, you did not JUST call me fat, did you" Ginny seemed to be dangerously calm.

"I'm sorry, I can't help but to say the truth." Hermione replied back smartly.

That was it. Ginny could stand Hermione's taunts about her being uberly obsessed with Harry, but she cannot call Ginny FAT. Ginny knew she wasn't fat,

Because her mum said she was beautiful on the inside.

"ARGHHHHHH" Hermione blacked out as Ginny ran up to and punched her in the face.

But Hermione came back from the blackout and bit Ginny on the arm.

"OWWWWWWWW why I-----" But poor Ginny couldn't finish that sentence as Hermione pulled her red, fiery hair.

"Arghhhhh you stupid bookworm!" Ginny had tears in her eyes as Hermione pulled at her hair.

"Mwahah----------------------Owwwwwwwww!", screamed Hermione, as Ginny gave another punch at her.

Hermione was now sporting tow black eyes and Ginny was massaging her head.

As Hermione whined about her eyes, Ginny saw something lying on Hermione's bedside table. Ginny grinned evilly and laughed maniacally as she rushed towards the table.

"Why are you laughing like a mental idiot?" Hermione said, not seeing what Ginny was going for.

"Ginny, you stupid prat, what d-…GASP"

Hermione stared wide-eyed at what Ginny was holding in her hand.

It was Hermione's copy of…(DUN DUN DUN) Hogwarts, A History. 

"You wouldn't." Hermione whispered, tears coming to her eyes. "Please Ginny, don't."

Ginny grinned mischievously and slowly ripped the first page.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Hermione's shrill cry of pathetic help reached all ears.

Anyone with decent hearing could tell it was Hermione. Ron, Harry, and Draco heard the yells and raced up to the Gryffindor Common room.

They raced up to Hermione's room. As they opened the door, Ron decided to have a bright idea

"Hey Harry, aren't we not supposed to be here, I mean, how come the steps didn't stop us?"

"Good question Ron, but I don't freaking care. Hermione is in trouble and we must help her!" Harry seemed all sweaty and tense.

"Jeez calm down, you're losing it." Ron said.

Draco sniggered at this and shut up by Harry's death glare.

"Ok who wants to open the door?" Harry asked, sweating like a monkey in July.

"Well I vote Draco." Ron said gleefully.

Draco gave him a glare. "Fine I will, since you guys are such pansies."

He slowly opened the door and found to his surprise.

Hermione was kneeling on the floor, tears in her brown eyes. A look of desperation on her face. And then there was Ginny, holding some type of book and ripping it slowly.

"Ginny why the bloody duck are you ripping a book? And why the heck is Hermione bawling at your feet?" Ron demanded.

"Look Hermione, calm down, tell us why you're crying." Harry asked gently.

"She---that hag-----sniffle is ripping my BOOK! Sniffle cry sniffle

"Ginny HOW COULD YOU?" Draco seemed outraged.

"I---what----well she called me fat!" Ginny yelled furiously.

"Well what's wrong with saying the truth, Gin?" Harry said stupidly, trying to make Hermione feel better.

Ginny's eyes bulged like a bugs and started bawling her eyes out and ran out of the room, banging the door behind.

"Aren't you going to go after her Weasel?" Draco sneered, hoping Ron would leave and he, Draco, could somehow make Potter vanish, and take Hermione.

"No she'll recover" Ron said absentmindedly.

Harry, Ron, and Draco all looked at Hermione. She happened to be looking at her book, in shreds.

"All of you, GET OUT!" she screamed in agony as she gathered up the scraps and shod them out.

Hermione wasn't having a good day at all.

"Geez Its only a bloody book" Ron said, looking astounded that someone could have their knickers in a knot for a bloody book.

The three boys then went downstairs to find another surprise, waiting for them.


	4. Changes, Cries, Evil plans, and Dyes

As the three boys come down from the girls' dormitory, they saw a gathering of people at the bulletin board.

"Oh what now?", Draco asked irritably.

The boys went to check and found a surprise. There on the board was a notice, with big, bold letters the read:

**The Hogwarts Ball is now going to be held in two more days. **

"WHAT?"

Everyone was thinking the same thing. How could they change it? Now they would have to change all their plans.

"Well at least now I have more time to ask out Hermione!" Harry said. Although unfortunately for him, he didn't think this, for he had practically shouted it out to the whole common room.

"Oh yea right Potter, I will ask her out first. As you can see, I'm the one with the dashing, good looks." Draco sneered with a maniacal glint in his gray eyes.

"Ha Dashing? You lie to yourself Malfoy. Have you seen yourself in the mirror lately? You look like a cow that's been run over by a truck. Isn't that right Ron?

"Yea…what he said." Ron said. He seemed to be staring at the girls' dorm stairs, probably hoping Hermione would come down so he could ask her out.

"Well I'm going to my common room." Draco said, with a casual yawn.

"Good riddance" Ron muttered.

As Draco left the common room, Harry looked at Ron.

"I can't believe you like Hermione."" Ron, how could you? " Harry asked, apparent pain in his emerald green eyes.

"Well how daft can you get Harry?" Ron replied, with a hint if anger in his voice.

"Couldn't you see I liked Hermione since first year? Didn't you see the signs?"

"What bloody signs? I am not like that fraud Trelawny, I can't see "signs"." Harry said loudly, his blood boiling.

"Ugh whatever Harry, you're such a bloke."

With that Ron went up to his room to cry.

"Geez what a baby" Harry thought as he looked around the common room.

As he looked around and saw Fred, George, and Lee are huddled up together, whispering slightly.

"Hey Fred, George, and Lee. What are you up too?" Harry asked, hoping they'd tell him what they were whispering about.

"Oh nothing, go away Harry.: George said irritably.

"No George, we can trust Harry with this, he's our mate" Fred said though a grin.

"Ok well if that's the case, Fred and I created this new dye, made to last ages long. But we haven't found any bloke stupid enough to try it."

"Would you like to try it, Harry?" Lee asked hopefully.

"No… but you say it can last for ages?"

"Yes…I think" Fred said, as though pondering if it did last ages.

"Well then what colors do you have?" Harry asked, maintaining a calm face, but his mind was tinkering away with an evil plan.

"Erm.., we have red, green, purple, orange, and pink with blue polka dots." George said, counting off the colors on his fingers as he spoke.

"Ok I'll have one of each color. How much? Oh and when we see the results, I'll tell you if they last for ages or not."

"Umm Harry, you have a evil glint in your eyes, Are you okay?" Fred asked, his face with worry.

Harry paid for the dyes and stealthily took it up his dorm. He thought he would find Ron, crying his eyes out, but Ron was nowhere to be seen. Harry then went into the bathroom and locked the door. He got himself a bowl. He then took out all the dyes and poured them into the bowl. They turned a sickening color of hot pink, with specks of blue and green and other colors. It looked absolutely revolting.

"Mwahhahahahahah" laughed Harry, as he put his nasty concoction in a bottle, and hid it in his cloak.

"Um Harry are you all right in there?" he heard Neville's concerned voice.

"Err yea I'm fine, Neville." Harry said, humiliated that Neville heard his maniacal laugh.

Harry got out of the bathroom, to see Neville looking at him with an odd expression.

"Well I'm going to dinner then, aren't you coming Neville?" Harry asked, hoping to change the subject.

"Yea, lets go." Neville replied.

Together, the two boys went down to the Great Hall.

Harry already saw Ron stuffing himself with food as he approached the Gryffindor table.

Harry decided not to tell Ron about his ingenious plan. He didn't want Ron to mess it up.

"Hey Ron, how are your feeling?" Harry asked tentatively.

"Fine, look I'm sorry for yelling at you. I didn't mean too. And we shouldn't fight over Hermione." Ron said, hoping to be mates with Harry again. But his twisted mind had another thought. He was going to get Hermione, no matter what.

"Yea Ron you're right. Too bad Malfoy likes Hermione too eh?" Harry smiled and sat down and started reaching for food.

As the two boys finished eating, they went up to the common room. Ron said he felt sleepy and decided to go to bed. Harry however, had an unfinished business to do.

Harry went up to his trunk and got out his invisibility cloak and his Marauder's Map.

He silently put on the cloak and looked at the map, Filch was in his office and his victim was right where he was supposed to be. Harry slowly crept out into cool hallway. He now headed towards the dungeons. Harry walked until he stopped at a stretch of a bare and damp stone wall.

Here came the hard part. Figuring out the password. Harry heard that Malfoy always got to choose the password. What password would Malfoy use? What words would someone cruel, cunning, and evil possibly use? Then it hit Harry.

"Potter Stinks"

The door concealed behind the wall slowly opened. Harry was thankful that it didn't wake anyone up. He quietly went up towards the boys' dormitory. He opened each door carefully until he finally reached the one with Malfoy, soundly snoring away.

Harry thought it was a bit selfish for Malfoy to have his own room, but then again when had Malfoy not been conceited?

Harry quietly tiptoed towards Malfoy's bathroom. He slowly closed the door and turned on the lights. He walked toward Malfoy's shampoos and other bath stuff. Harry couldn't believe how many hair products Malfoy owned. He possible had more than Lavender and Parvati. Harry skimmed around them until he found what he needed. He took Malfoy's shampoo and poured out all its contents until only half remained. He then took out his concoction and mixed it well into the shampoo and closed it.

Harry then found the conditioner and did the same thing. He took Malfoy's endless amount of hair products and mixed his revolting concoction with it. Harry worked away until he ran out of the nasty liquid. Harry felt as if every product had his mixture in it. Harry then grinned evilly and he left the bathroom.

As Harry started for Malfoy's door to leave, he heard a sudden rustling movement from Draco.

"Potter!" screamed Malfoy.

Harry stopped dead in his tracks. He would be caught, and Malfoy would find out what he did, and he would get into so much trouble. Harry slowly turned around to face Malfoy.

But Malfoy was still in bed, sleeping away. Although he was muttering to himself.

"Potter, you gut, I hate you. I'll get Hermione from you and the Weasel. I will take Hermione to the ball." With that he guffawed and went back into his snoring sleep. Harry moved closer to make sure he was really asleep. He saw to amazement, that Ferret Boy drools. Harry silently sniggered to himself and left the room quickly.

Harry left the Slytherin common room and put on his cloak, which he had take off in the bathroom, and silently left for the Gryffindor room.

Harry knew he was going to have a peaceful sleep. He couldn't wait for what to happen next morning. Oh it was will make a quite scene. Giggling to himself, Harry potter laughed himself to sleep.


	5. Lies, shrieks, fights, and freaks

Draco Malfoy woke to a fresh and bright morning. He had the strangest dream that Potter was in his room. But it was very unlikely. No one as stupid as Potter could figure out the password, he Draco, had made up. It was much too clever.

Well, he was glad that they extended the date for the Hogwarts Ball. More time to plan and ask out Hermione, of course. But one can't ask out another if they didn't have the proper look and attire.

Draco went into his wardrobe and picked out one of his best cloaks and ties and such. He then went into the bathroom to take a shower. Unknown to him, however, was that young Harry Potter "rearranged" his hair products.

So, alas. Draco didn't see what he was using because Harry had been smart enough to leave some of the original substance so it looked like it hadn't been meddled with. Draco went into the same routine he did everyday. First shampoo, then conditioner, hair spray, and large amount of gel. As Draco massaged his thick head with all that gunk, Harry remembered to change Draco's mirror, so that it only showed what it had shown the day before. So poor Draco couldn't see that, with more hair stuff he put it on, the pinker it got.

Draco looked at himself and smiled. He then went and got dressed and decided to go the Great Hall for breakfast.

Harry, on the other hand, woke up with a mischievous grin on his face. Today was the day Malfoy was going to get it. Harry then got dressed and went down to breakfast.

Harry went to go sit at the Gryffindor table; he noticed Hermione wasn't here yet. But Ron was, for he was gobbling up large amounts of bacon and egg.

"Morning Ron" Harry said rather cheerfully.

"What are you so happy about?" Ron asked, showing suspicion on his face.

"Oh nothing, you'll see for yourself in a few minutes." Harry said, helping himself to toast.

Harry wondered where Malfoy was. It had been about 10 minutes now, Where was that git? The normal noisy chatter made it hard for Harry to think. As he helped himself to some eggs, there was a sudden silence in the Great Hall. Next to him, he saw Ron drop his silverware, his mouth still half chewing a mixture of bacon and eggs.

There in the middle of the Great Hall stood Draco. But this Draco had hot, hot, hot, hot pink hair. And not only that, it had specks of different colors also. He looked like a complete lunatic, not that he did before.

Harry saw the looks on Fred and George's faces. He mouthed, "Your dye was great" Fred and George still looked astonishingly at the top of Draco's head.

"What happened? Why is everyone so bloody quiet? Did something die in here?" Draco asked, suppressing a small grin.

"Yea your chances of ever getting your normal hair back!" Someone shouted.

"Who said that? What's wrong with my hair?" Draco asked suspiciously, as if they were all playing a prank on him.

"Haven't you seen yourself in the mirror Malfoy? You look a mess." Pansy cooed.

"Oh shut up you pug-faced cow!" Malfoy seemed apparently furious. No one made fun of his hair. Ever. He needed a mirror quick. But where to find one. Who did he know what always carried around a mirror?

"Professor Snape!" Malfoy practically screamed at Snape.

"What is it Mr. Malfoy?" Snape asked calmly, as though stifling a laugh at Draco's hair.

"I need your mirror quick! You know that one when you use-----" \

"Enough Malfoy! Here just take it and leave." Snape said, his face turning pink.

He slid the mirror towards Malfoy.

Draco held up the mirror to his fair. He slowly looked at his hair. It was not his usually sleek blonde. It was -------

"PINK!" Draco let out a blood-curdling scream.

"Wow he sounds like a girl, doesn't he?" Ron asked, laughing at Draco.

"Doesn't he always?" Harry replied, grinning from ear to ear.

Harry heard Draco yell bloody murder and he swore he saw tears in hose gray eyes of his. Harry couldn't help but laugh some more. With that episode, Draco ran out of room, blubbering away.

Harry and Ron decided to leave the Great Hall. As they were walking, Malfoy zoomed towards them, holding something.

"Hahahaha", he laughed maniacally.

"I knew it would be you, Potter! I found this in my room today! Do you know what it is Potter?"

Harry looked astounded at what Malfoy was holding; it was the Marauder's Map. Harry didn't know how the heck Malfoy knew that was the Marauder's Map, and that Harry had it.

"HAHA! Only you could be the one to leave a piece of parchment in, after doing a prank. Its so you." Draco said, with a crazed expression on his face.

"Umm…ok..You got me. It was I! Wasn't it brilliant Malfoy? You do look loads better this way!" Harry grinned.

Draco glared at Harry and punched him, right in the face.

Harry was now sporting a bloody nose.

"You did not just hit me…" Harry said quietly.

"Yes, I believe I did." Malfoy shot back.

The two boys got into a fight. Not just any ordinary fight too. It was a fight filled with high-pitched shrieks, hair pulling, punching, and nail breaking. It was so horribly pathetic that a crowd of people surrounded the two.

"Thanks a lot Potter! You've ruined my hair, now Hermione won't even go out with me!" Malfoy whined.

"OH stop blabbering Malfoy! Who cares about your feminine problems" Harry said.

Suddenly, a sonorous shriek erupted from the crowd.

"Oh Dracki-poo, how could you?" said Pansy Parkinson.

"I thought you were going to the ball with me? But instead you want to go out with that busybody Granger?" "How could you?" Pansy screamed.

"You? Why would I ever take you?" "Have you seen yourself Pansy?" Draco replied, with an air of arrogance.

"Are you saying I'm ugly? I am NOT ugly!" "Ugly is something like Cho Chang, for example.

Cho Chang made her view through the crowd, her face red with anger.

"Psh oh no you didn't!" With that being said, Cho made an elaborate z-snap, right in Pansy's face.

"Oh well FINE! If Draco doesn't want to take me I guess I'll go with Harry Potter, you know that guy who fought the Dark Lord.

"OH nuh-uhhhhhhh! No way you're taking My HARRY! He's obviously going to take me to the ball. " Cho spat back.

"Why would anyone take you out? You are so ugly. Plus that hairstyle is so last week." Pansy replied back.

"You can call me ugly, but you _cannot_ diss my hair! And besides I, for one, have an IQ bigger than one of troll's! " Cho said back smartly.

"Oh you did not just call me dumb, did you?" Pansy said, her pug face in outrage.

"Oh I believe I did" Cho shot back.

Pansy came up to Cho, and pulled her hair.

"OWWW! LET GO! " Cho screamed in agony. Cho then bit Pansy's arm.

"ARGHHHH!" Pansy shrieked.

"That'll leave a mark, that will." Fred whispered To George.

"Wow that Cho can bite." George said.

"Hey George, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Fred said with a grin on his face.

"Yes…I think I do." George said with a smile.

Fred and George were now taking bets from the gathered crowd, as to who will win, Cho or Pansy? Most people bet on Cho, because she was nicer than Pansy.

Harry and Draco, on the other hand, just watched, their mouths agape, at the scene the two girls were making.

Ron, too watched, although it seemed he was enjoying the whole thing.

"I wonder how Cho can do that z-snap. I'm going to try!" Ron said, his freckled face filled with excitement.

With that, Ron tried to the z-snap. "Snap snap OW!" Poor, foolish Ron poked himself in the eye. Harry and Draco sniggered nearby.

"STOP!" came the shrill shriek from the one and only, Hermione.

"What _are_ you people doing? It's completely barbaric! Shame on you!" Hermione said, her face contorted with anger.

Cho and Pansy stopped their silly fight, Cho had a bloody nose and her hair was all messed up, while Pansy had a large bite mark on her hand and looked ruffled.

"Hermione…I would like to say something." Draco began.

"I—what happened to your hair Malfoy? Hermione said, her anger suddenly vanished, replaced by laughter.

"Well, if it wasn't for stupid Potter here, I wouldn't have this…pink hair." Draco said.

"Harry? You did this to Malfoy? Harry…that's not very nice of you." Hermione said, narrowing her eyes at Harry, who hung his head in shame.

"I didn't do anything Hermione." Ron chirped up.

Hermione looked at Ron and smiled. "Good for you Ron."

Ron grinned at Harry and Malfoy, who gave him death glares.

"Oh erm Hermione, Ive been meaning to ask you something." Ron said, still smiling.

"Well what is it Ron?" Hermione said impatiently.

"Would you…umm…I—I-I umm I-I err." Ron stuttered

"Look Ron, I have to go. You can stutter at me later." With that being said Hermione went away.

Slowly, the crowd vanished around the three boys and Cho and Pansy.

"Draco I cant believe you want to take that Granger to the ball." "Why?" Pansy said, sniffling.

Draco let out a sigh of exasperation. "Because you're a complete cow, Parkinson." "And your ugly too, might I add." Draco said.

"Fine then! Harry will you go out with me then?" Pansy cooed, smiling sweetly. It was revolting.

"Umm no, your so ugly and ughh." "Who, in their right mind, would take you?" Harry said, a look of utter disgust on his face. "Besides I'm asking Hermione."

"WHAT?" Cho screamed. "How could you Harry!" "I though you would take me. I though we had something…" Tears started pouring down her face.

"And we have a thunderstorm brewing up ladies and gentlemen. You can expect a lot of Rain." Ron said, mocking a weather forecast.

"SHUT UP!" And Cho fled the room, obviously in utter despair.

"Was it something I said?" Ron asked innocently.

The three boys looked at each other, and laughed. Asking out Hermione wasn't going to be easy at all. This was going to be a battle with many obstacles. Little did they know, another girl is going to come into the picture. Now Cho and Pansy are involved. And the battle has just started.

WHEW! That was kind of hard to write. It's not that funny. I'm sorry; I am not good with humor. Thanks to "the boy who smells like cabbage" for most of the ideas for this chapter. Hehe. :-D


	6. the foreign boy and the perfect plan

So you might be wondering where Hermione is at the moment. Well she was waiting near the front gates of Hogwarts, with permission of course. She was waiting for her special friend, a special someone. She waited as the distant sounds of a coach grew louder and louder. Finally, the coach halted to a stop. Hermione looked enthusiastically at the opening coach door.

Out stepped out a boy, about Hermione's age, maybe a tad bit older. He was decently dressed and looked foreign. He was tall and skinny, but in a good-looking way. He had brown hair and glittering violet-colored eyes, which were breath-taking. He had handsome features and a serene look on his face. When he saw Hermione, his face broke out into a huge grin/smile, showing straight, white teeth.

"Hello Hermione. How are you?" he said, smiling at her still. For someone looking foreign, he could speak perfect English, with a bit of an accent.

"Oh hello Dimitri! Oh I have missed you ever so!" Hermione said, suppressing a really high giggle. They two hugged and slowly walked up to the castle.

Harry and Ron were now sitting in the common room, staring at each other. Well more like glaring really.

"I was this close to asking Hermione out. This close!" Ron said quite loudly.

"Yea well you didn't. All you did was stutter. And besides I am going to ask her out the moment she comes back from wherever she went off too." With that, Harry ignored Ron in a snobbish way.

After what seemed to pass as decades, they finally heard Hermione. And she was...giggling! Ron and Harry stood up, both eying each other.

"Oh Dimitri, that is so funny." They heard Hermione say.

"Who the bloody goose is Dimitri?" Ron said, obviously spazzing out.

Then Hermione came in, hand in hand, with a handsome boy. Harry and Ron's mouth dropped in utter shock.

"I—I—Hermione—who is-­­--?" But Ron simply couldn't let out his words.

"Ron, Harry, this is Dimitri (giggle) He is my friend from Russia. Russia is a country Ron." She added because of the flabbergasted look no Ron's face. "Well anyways, Dimitri is staying at Hogwarts for the about 5 days, on permission of course. He'll be staying in your dorm. " Hermione said, smiling from ear to ear.

"Why is he here from Russia? "And is he...a wizard?" Ron said, his eyes bulging in shock.

"Don't be such a prat Ron, how could we let a non-magical person into Hogwarts, and why would I do such a thing?" Hermione said, giving Ron an omg-you-are-so-dumb-look.

"Yes, we all know Ron doesn't have much sense. But why is he here Hermione?" Harry said, giving Dimitri a suspicious look.

"Well I'm glad you asked. He is here on a foreign exchange program from a wizarding school in Russia. I already know him of course, we're family friends of sorts. (Another giggle)

"Well Dimitri, this is Ron and Harry, they are my best friends. Ron is a bit daft most of the time, but you will get used to him. And Harry tends to shout a lot and spaz because he is a bit weird, but you will get used to him too. Well I'll show you to your room then. "

"Well Harry and Ron, I am so pleased to meet you. Hermione has said a little about you, but I am sure we will get acquainted later during my stay. Well I suppose I will see you later." With that, Dimitri gave a smile with his perfect self and went up with Hermione.

After they left, Harry and Ron sat back down, obviously taking in on everything.

"I can't believe that just happened. Do you think Hermione fancies that foreign bloke?" asked Ron, his face in utter confusion.

Harry looked at Ron as if he was the stupidest thing on the face of the planet.

"Of course, you nitwit. Couldn't you see it? It's ever so obvious. Honestly you are so idiotic." Harry said, giving Ron a look.

"Yea well, it doesn't matter now does it? Hermione will obviously take that pretty boy di---whatever his name was to the ball."

"No Ron we cant let that happen! We can't let that slimy git take Hermione, we just cant!" "We will have to discuss this serious matter with Draco and see if his thick head has any brilliant ideas." Harry said.

Ron snorted at this statement but shut up when Harry glared at him.

But they had to meet with Draco and fast.

As Harry and Ron waited, Hermione and Dimitri came back down, both smiling. It was revolting.

"Ready to go to dinner then?" Hermione asked, still hand in hand with Dimitri.

"Yea…erm…sure." Harry said, Ron gave a sullen nod.

As the four went down to the Great Hall, they met Draco Malfoy on the way.

"Hello Hermione." Draco said, blushing. He gave a nasty look to Ron and Harry. It seemed he was oblivious to Dimitri.

"OH hey Malfoy. I would like you to meet Dimitri. He is my friend from Russia, which is a country." Hermione added as an after thought.

Draco finally seemed to know that Dimitri was holding hands with Hermione and that Gasp! Could it be? This boy was loads better looking than Draco.

Draco looked at Dimitri is awe and envy.

"I---hi-well I suppose I should get to dinner –er ---bye." Draco said quickly.

Hermione and Dimitri went off to the Great Hall. Harry told Malfoy to stay. Harry and Ron exchanged dark looks and then looked at Malfoy, who looked like his life had been crushed. It was a bit pathetic really.

"Look Malfoy, Ron and I think Hermione fancies that Russian bloke and might take him to the ball! We have to do something so she doesn't. So have any brilliant plans, which I doubt." Harry said, looking at Malfoy.

"I. Hold on a bit. He's Russian right?" Draco asked.

"Yes I think we already established that" Harry said, his voice clearly annoyed by Malfoy's increasing stupidity.

"Well maybe we can give him "English" lessons but they're really going to be insults. So when he uses "English" towards Hermione, he'll actually insult her, thus causing her to get mad and leave him!" Draco finished of his plan by cackling though it turned into a violent cough.

"OH yea that's simply marvelous except you are forgetting one little thing Malfoy!" Harry said in a somewhat calm voice.

Malfoy stared blankly at Harry, surprised there could be such a flaw in his intelligent plan.

"Your plan is sheer brilliance except that git ALREADY knows English, and quite well too!" Harry said haughtily.

"OH well I didn't know that." Malfoy said quietly, crushed that his plan was not going to be used.

"Well I have a plan" Harry said, whispering. He had a maniacal glint in his emerald green eyes.

"I think we should devise some plan thingy to make Dimitri really messed up and weird so that Hermione wouldn't like him anymore.

"A plan _thingy_?" Malfoy asked in disbelief.

"Well I couldn't think of any other clever words." Harry said in a whiney voice.

"Oh who cares? Look, that's a good idea Harry but what can we do to him?" He's perfect, I have to admit. What are we going to do?" Ron asked, looking at Harry.

"Ok well he's in our dorm right? So we can mess with his stuff and make his life miserable!" Harry said, his face filled with glee and eyes glinting with evil.

"Harry you're starting to frighten me." Ron said in a quivering voice.

"Oh right sorry about that." Harry said.

"Hmm but I don't share a dorm with you because I am not in Gryffindor. How am I supposed to help?" Malfoy sneered.

"Oh yea we forgot about you. I think you'll be allowed to spend the night, as much as I despise you." Ron said scathingly, truly horrified that Draco Malfoy will spend the night at their dorm. It was a thought that made people shudder with fright.

"Ohmygosh! It's like a sleepover!" Malfoy squealed.

"Malfoy you're very queer. This is strictly business. We don't have time to have a sleepover." Harry said, making a nasty face at Malfoy.

"Oh it was just an idea." Malfoy said quietly to himself.

"Well I suppose we only have about a day to make sure Hermione doesn't go out with that kid. We have to make sure Hermione doesn't take that bloke." Harry said.

Ron and Draco nodded in agreement.

With that being agreed on, the three boys now planned on how to get rid of Dimitri.

The three boys trudged down to the Great Hall. All their planning made them skip dinner but they could still have some desert. Draco went off to his to posse.

And Harry and Ron went to sit at their table. They saw Hermione and Dimitri in an intense conversation. Harry saw Ron give them a scathing look.

Harry just stared at the pair of them, his eye twitching in anger.

"Umm…Harry you do know your eye is twitching violently." Asked a worried Ron.

"Err…what? Oh yea sure." Harry said, completely distracted.

The plates finally cleared and the students went up to bed. When Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Dimitri were about to go through the portrait hole, Malfoy ran towards them.

"Hey wait up!" He gasped.

"Umm Malfoy what are you doing here?" Hermione asked.

"Oh I—uh—am spending the night over, so we can have better house relations" Draco said, finishing of lamely.

Hermione looked at him funnily but didn't say anything about it. She smiled to Dimitri and bade the boys good night and went off to bed. The boys went into the dorm and were getting ready to go to bed.

"Oh Dimitri. Did you hear about the ball?" Ron asked casually.

"Yea I bet you would take Hermione, huh?" Malfoy asked.

Dimitri looked at them in surprise. "Oh there is a ball?" "Well in that case, I'll gladly take Hermione." He said, smiling and showing of his pretty-boy teeth.

"Great now they made him know about the ball and ask out Hermione. Just great." Thought Harry furiously.

But Harry recovered quickly.

"Hey Dimitri, if you are going to ask out Hermione, you should know some things about her. For example, she utterly hates house-elves, the ones that work. Yea she totally despises them." Harry said, laughing evilly in his head.

Ron and Malfoy looked at him in surprise. Harry just mouthed, "Go with it" and the two boys nodded.

"Yea she absolutely hates them!" Ron said, trying hard not to grin.

"Well thank you so much! I will tell her I hate them too tomorrow. The she will go with me the ball!" Dimitri said in his excited foreign accent.

Dimitri went to bed early, while Harry, Ron, and Malfoy were still awake.

"Oh Hahahaha this is going to be funny. When he says that Hermione, she'll surely hate him then and there!" squealed Malfoy.

"OH yes this is going to be good" Harry said, as Ron grinned and nodded.

The three boys then went to bed, waiting for the next day to come.

Unknown to them, however, their plan wasn't going to work as they expected it to be. In fact it was going to bring a turn of events.


	7. Stupid Plans and Turn of Events

Harry woke up at the early rays of sunshine came through the window. Today was the last day before the ball. Harry had to make sure Dimitri didn't take Hermione. As Harry looked at the sleeping form of Dimitri his face contorted in anger, as he stared at Dimitri malevolently, he heard Ron grunt and grumble something. Malfoy was curled in a ball, sleeping on an extra bed that had been conjured for him.

Harry grew tired again and fell asleep, only to be shaken by Malfoy.

"Arghhhh! Malfoy don't touch me!" Harry shouted, throwing Malfoy a nasty look.

"Err sorry but Weasley says that Dimitri kid is heading towards the Great Hall, and we should hurry!" Malfoy said.

Harry bolted up and started getting ready and then Malfoy and Harry sprinted towards the Great Hall. They met up with Ron, who seemed to be waiting outside the hall for them.

"Come on we have to hurry!" Ron said, a look of concern on his freckled face.

The three boys went up the Gryffindor table, everyone gave Malfoy a look, but he ignored them and sat down. They saw Dimitri next to Hermione, who was blushing and smiling.

"Ok good we didn't miss Hermione getting mad at Dimitri." Harry said, with an evil grin.

The threesome sat near the giggling couple and waited. Dimitri noticed them and gave a smile.

"OH look at him, smiling and showing off, I just hate him!" Malfoy said through gritted teeth.

"You're just jealous he's better looking than you are." Ron said, grinning at Malfoy.

"Oh shut up." Malfoy said, still looking at Hermione and Dimitri.

"Be quiet the pair of you, I think Dimitri is about to ask her." Harry said, his eye twitching every now and then.

"You know Harry, that whole twitching thing is beginning to frighten me." Ron said, looking at Harry with an odd face.

Harry told them to hush and listened intently to Hermione and Dimitri's conversation.

"So Harry told me about the ball. It sounds very interesting." Dimitri said, smiling a bit nervously.

"Yea its tomorrow I think." Hermione said, smiling a bit too much.

"So you know I hate house-elves, you know the kind that work. Yea the working ones, I hate that, Don't you?" Dimitri said in a nervous rush of words.

Hermione's face hardened at this statement as Harry smiled evilly at Dimitri but then Hermione's face turned into a huge grin.

"OH.MY.GOSH! I totally think that's so true. I mean those poor house-elves working like that, its completely hate-able. Wow I didn't know you shared the same view. I know lets go to the library!" Hermione said, still smiling and looking at Dimitri with utter admiration.

Dimitri looked confused but then quickly caught on." Yes let us." And the two of them walked hand in hand to the library.

Ron and Draco looked at Harry, who seemed to be in a state of shock.

"Um Harry? Your mouth is open and drool is coming out of it." Ron said in disgust.

"I—can't—but it was surefire—where—wrong—hate—stupid—house-elves—library—" Harry muttered including some cough inappropriate words that little kids shouldn't use or hear.

"Wow didn't know Harry had such an colorful vocabulary," Malfoy said, his face in shock at what Harry was muttering.

"Ok that didn't go well at all" Ron said, staring at his food.

"You think?" Harry said, his words dripping with sarcasm.

"Well you don't have to be so snobbish." Ron said, sniffing and looking hurt.

"Ok stop being a pansy and lets go to the library! And we have to hurry." Harry said, his face filled with determination. Obviously his mind had hatched another "evil" plan.

The threesome quickly left the Great Hall and raced up the library. They saw Hermione and Dimitri at a table with a million books and could hear their constant whispering and giggling.

Harry marched to Dimitri and asked him if he could have a word in forced politeness.

Dimitri excused himself and followed Harry behind some bookshelves, Ron and Malfoy following.

"Err what are we doing here" Dimitri asked, giving them suspicious looks.

"Oh we're not queer if that's what you're thinking, that's Malfoy." Harry said, giving Draco a look.

Malfoy opened his mouth to say something but was force to shut is as Harry spoke again.

"Ok so I guess the house-elf thing got her to like you even more." Harry said through gritted teeth.

"Yea thanks for that I'll suppose I'll ask her soon, the Hogwarts ball is not too far away." Dimitri said excitingly.

"Yea about that, we have more information that'll make Hermione like you even more!" Harry, the evil glint coming back into his eyes.

"Oh really? That's terrific. By the way I am so glad you're telling me this. You are very nice indeed." Dimitri said while Ron snorted, trying to cover his laughs.

"So what is it that you wish to tell me?" Dimitri said, a bit more serious.

"Well Hermione likes to burn books, all the time, it's her favorite hobby. I'm sure if you tell her you like doing that too, she'll like you a lot more!" Harry said, trying hard not to laugh maniacally.

"Burn books? Are you absolutely sure about this? I mean I've seen her with books, and that really doesn't seem to appeal to her." Dimitri said, his face confused.

" Oh its true, she burns them all the time. She probably doesn't want to do it in front of you but once you tell her you like to do the same, the pair of you can have burning extravaganza!" Ron said, smiling as though suppressing his laughter.

"When did you learn that big word?" Malfoy whispered to Ron.

Ron ignored him.

"Well if you're sure then I'll go tell her right now!" With that, Dimitri quickly went back to the table. Harry, Ron, and Malfoy followed.

"Oh Hermione, I hear you like to burn books. Well I do too. Book are quite evil, if you ask me, and they need to be burned!" Dimitri said to Hermione with much enthusiasm.

Hermione's face got pale and then red and then there was a moment of silence.

Harry thought he could see the anger rising in her face. But she still didn't say anything at all. Until…

She smiled at Dimitri. "Oh yes I too think books that are evil are bad too. You know the ones with all that Dark Magic. " Hermione beamed at Dimitri who smiled at her and Harry, who, once again, seemed to be shock.

Then Hermione and Dimitri left the library as Ron and Malfoy looked at Harry, who plopped into a near-by seat.

"I don't believe this, I was sure the burning books thing would make her mad but no she interpreted differently and they still like each other!" Harry said angrily.

At that precise moment, Madam Pince hurried towards Harry.

"Mr. Potter, this is a library not an opera house so I suggest you keep your voice down or else leave the premises." She gave the boys hawk-like looks and left.

"Well let's leave then and talk about it in the common room." Ron said, making sure he said the words as quietly as possible.

"Haha opera house, imagine Potter here singing opera." Malfoy said as they exited the library.

"Put a sock in it Malfoy." Ron said, giving Malfoy a scathing look.

"Speaking of socks, I got a new pair. They have little ducks on them. It's so cute you know. I rather do like ducks. I asked Mother if I could get a pet duck. I think I would name it Elfric. And—"

"That's absolutely spectacular Malfoy but I don't give a bloody duck about it!" Harry said, his fists clenched.

"And you wonder why people call you queer." Harry added.

"Ha you said duck" Ron said, but quickly shut up by the look on Harry's face.

As they went into the common room, they saw Hermione and Dimitri sitting and talking animatedly, giggling every now and then.

"Ugh look at them, sickening." Ron said, his face filled with revulsion.

"Drastic times call for drastic measures." Harry said quietly.

"But we've tried everything" Ron whined.

"Well there isn't one thing we haven't tried." Harry said, his brain working quickly to devise another ingenious plan.

"You know how come your brain doesn't work this quick when it comes to school eh?" Ron asked.

"Yea like yours does too." Harry said in a mocking manner.

"Yea I can't disagree with that." Ron said.

"Well what plan is it now?" Malfoy asked impatiently.

"Well we're going to use some help now." Harry told them.

"Some outside help..." he added, smiling malevolently.

"Who? " Ron and Draco asked.

"Oh let's just say, they're someone we know very well."

"Oh great he's being frightening again." Ron whispered to Malfoy.

But Harry did pay attention. He had to quickly contact this person and fast because the ball was tomorrow!

But unknown to him, the Hogwarts Ball was going to be changed again due to some "problems".

Ok this was a really bad chapter, I think. Sorry if you didn't like this one. I'm hoping chapter 8 will be better. 


	8. pranks, potions, and pumpkin juice

Well there's been a mistake, the ball's date isn't going to change, and I thought I would change it but I'm not so forget about what I wrote at the ending of the former chapter.

The so-called person Harry wanted help from were actually persons. Two red-haired persons, to be exact. Yes Harry had no one else in mind except for the prank-pulling twins. Harry would have to contact them soon because there wasn't much time left.

"So we're going to ask help from the Weasley twins?" Malfoy asked.

"Yes…it'll be perfect. They're masterminds of mischief and monkeyshines!" Harry said, an evil grin appearing on his face.

"…. Monkeyshines…?" Draco asked.

"Look it up…we should head up to the common room, they're bound to be in there." Harry said, beckoning them to follow as he set off for the Gryffindor common room.

But Malfoy was heading towards the other way.

"And where are you going?" Ron asked.

"To the library…I have to find what "monkeyshines" means, Potter told me to look it up." Malfoy said.

"Malfoy must you always be so daft? Well I suppose it's hard to be intelligent with that thick head of yours. Just come on you can look it up later." Ron said, clearly annoyed by Malfoy's decreasing intelligence.

Malfoy looked insulted and sulked as the three boys walked up to the common room. And luckily enough, Fred, George, and Lee were all huddled in a corner, whispering and laughing.

Lee looked up as the three headed towards their section of the common room.

"Ughh Malfoy why are _you_ here." Lee sneered, putting emphasis on the word you as though it was something the cat coughed up; something that was particularly nasty.

"What? Did "hellos" go out of style now and that look reminds me of Mother's. She always had that look on her face whenever I was in her company" Malfoy replied back.

"And I really wonder why…" Ron said, snickering.

"Look Fred, Hermione is going to go out with that foreign git, Dimitri, and we don't want her too. This is a serious matter and we really need your help, so what so you say?" Harry asked, looking as though he would kill if he received anything besides a "yes".

"Err yes sure why not." George said, grinning.

"Oh George we can use that new potion, but it might yield different results or unpleasant situations." Fred said.

"Ahh yes that potion. Yes that might work, and we are looking for people to try it, ok Harry, will you take a potion?" George asked.

"What does this potion do anyways?" Ron asked.

"Well let's just say, it's a love potion, kind of, but its bit more different than the others." Lee replied.

"What do you mean by "different"?" Malfoy asked, obviously interested.

"Well with most love potions, the intended drinker drinks it and falls immensely in love with the first person he/she will look and there are others that make the drinker fall pathetically in love with the potion-maker." Fred explained.

"But what about this potion?"

"Ahh yes well with this potion, once you've given the potion to the person, you immediately say the person you want the drinker to love. This will have a magic effect. But you have to say the name before you say anything else and the drinker shouldn't hear anything else or its ruined." George explained.

"Well that's easy enough, we give the potion to Hermione and oh right whose name shall we say?" Ron asked.

"Well it must be me, I'm the prettiest." Malfoy shot back.

"Yea…no...I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear that one Malfoy. How about we give Dimitri the potion and say a random girls name and then Hermione will get annoyed and leave him!" Harry said in a shrilly, evil voice.

"That's prefect. So how much Fred?" Ron asked.

"Well since you're out first users of this product, we'll give it you for free." Fred replied.

"Your results may vary, and we are not responsible for the stupid things that may happen." Lee replied quickly.

"Right…well ok lets get everything set up then." Harry said, taking the flask, which had a lurid pink colored liquid in it.

The three boys went into the dormitory and made sure they weren't in earshot.

"Ok we'll give it to him before the ball, like maybe 6 or 5 hours before because with that time limit, Hermione will be bound to choose one of us." Ron said.

"Good idea Ron, we'll do exactly that then." Harry said.

"Ok then, but we have to mix it with something that he's bound to drink." Malfoy spoke.

"Ok we'll mix it with his pumpkin juice or something." Ron said.

"Okay so it's done then. Tomorrow we'll give that bloke the potion and say someone else's name. Then Hermione can come in and see him running after another girl and she'll hate him!" Harry spoke gleefully.

With everything being accounted for and the potion being secretly hidden away from Dimitri, the three boys had a peaceful sleep. Somewhat.

The next morning, everything went smoothly. The day passed until there were only 6 more hours to the ball. Already, people were murmuring excitedly, waiting for the Ball to start.

"Should we give him the potion now?" Malfoy whispered as they all went down to the Great Hall for lunch.

"No it'll be too suspicious, we'll do it little after lunch, I suppose." Harry replied back.

They saw Dimitri sitting next to Hermione, talking and laughing jollily.

"Ew look at the pair of them, it's so…icky. " Malfoy said, giving them a nasty look.

"What are you? A five-year old?" Ron asked in disbelief.

"Oh that reminds me of a story when I was five, yea—" But Malfoy was cut short from Harry.

"Yea that's just spectacular and all but no one give a bloody goose about it, and look they're getting up" Harry said and pointed out Hermione and Dimitri, who got up and were heading out of the Great Hall.

Harry, Ron and Malfoy followed the pair into the Gryffindor common room. Hermione and Dimitri sat and began chatting again. Harry made sure he and the other two sat close by so they could catch snatches of the conversation.

"Oh Dimitri I am so glad that you asked me to the ball. I am so excited! Why! I need to go and get everything ready!" With that, Hermione raced up into the girls' dormitory.

"She needs 5 hours to get ready?" Ron asked, apparently in shock.

"Ehh it's a girl thing." Malfoy added as though it were a simple fact.

"And how would _you_ know? Wait, on second thought I'd rather not know." Ron said hastily.

"Hush! Let's go talk to Dimitri. And then we'll then after a few minutes of mingling, we'll slip him the potion!" Harry said manically.

They moved and say by Dimitri, who was reading a book.

"So you're taking Hermione to the ball, yes?" Harry asked, trying to create talk.

"Yes, she has nicely accepted too. I cannot wait, I'm sure it will be ever so pleasant." Dimitri replied with a stunning smile.

"Yea I'm sure it'll be "pleasant" all right." Ron said, trying not to look like he was laughing.

"So whom are you going with?" Dimitri asked, directing the question towards the boys.

"Erm well…a girl" Malfoy replied stupidly.

"Yes I would hope so." Dimitri said, giving Malfoy a strange look.

"Hehe yes, well you'll get to know soon enough whom we are going with." Harry said.

There was a period of silence as the boys twiddled their thumbs and waited for someone to speak.

"I'll go get us some drinks if you would like, I'm getting a bit thirsty myself." Harry said, finally breaking the silence.

"All right, that will be nice." Dimitri said.

Meanwhile, Harry whispered "Don't let him leave, and manage to keep him busy until I give him the potion. Please don't do anything stupid while I'm gone. I'm talking especially to you Malfoy, please resist your impulse to act like an idiot."

With that being said, Harry left for the potion.

"So…want to hear a joke?" Ron asked, hoping this will keep Dimitri from leaving.

"Sure why not?" Dimitri replied.

"Ok so there's two kids…umm..Bob..and..er..Billy. So one day, Bob goes "Hey Billy do you know that the speed of light travels then the speed of sound? So the Billy goes "Yea that's why people seem bright until you hear them speak!" Ron said, laughing loudly.

"Yes I see how that works, you've just demonstrated that to me." Dimitri said.

But Ron was laughing to hard to notice he had been insulted.

"So Dimitri…. so how's life in Turkey?" Malfoy asked.

"Erm I am from Russia." Dimitri replied, looking at Malfoy in an annoying fashion.

"Right Right like it really matters, they're both in Australia anyways." Malfoy said.

"And now I know why Hermione says you have the brainpower of a dingbat." Dimitri replied.

"Oh I like bats, they're pretty cool, you know." Malfoy kept on going until Harry arrived with four glasses on a tray.

"Oh finally! I am so glad you are here! I think I have dropped at least 5 IQ points by talking with this imbecile for a couple of minutes." Dimitri motioned his hand to Malfoy.

Ron was still laughing, his face a bright red.

"Ok Ron it wasn't _that_ funny" Malfoy shot at him.

"Right anyone fancy a glass of pumpkin juice?" Harry asked.

"Oh have this one!" Harry shrieked suddenly, giving the glass with the potion to Dimitri.

"Umm thanks." Dimitri took the glass and looked at Harry, Hermione was right, he spazzed a lot.

Harry, Ron, and Malfoy all took a glass too and sat down.

Dimitri was about to sip it, but he didn't. The three boys waited for him to take a swig.

Finally, Harry took a sip. With that, he was followed by Ron, and then Malfoy, and Dimitri also took a sip.

Harry was about to say a name until…

"HERMIONE!"

Mwahaha. Cliffhanger. Sorry for the delay on the update, but things have been a bit busy. I kind of rushed this chapter a bit. More soon, hopefully. :


	9. you can run but you cant hide

_Well…. finally chapter 9……….its been ages. Sorry for the looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnggggggg delay. I just didn't get any ideas.  
So anyways I kind of wrote this in a hurry (well ok I rush every single chapter) so it might not be that great so just bear with me._

"HERMIONE!"

Ron, Harry, and Draco suddenly had pained expressions on their faces. They were soooo close but someone had yelled "Hermione" and now Dimitri was going to fall in love with her.

Or so they thought.

The speaker who yelled out her name turned out to be Neville. He just wanted her ask her about Snape's new potion. Harry, Ron, and Draco all gave seething looks at him for ruining their one chance. But little did they know, they still had hope.

In all this commotion, the boys failed to recognize that Dimitri showed no sign of being given a love potion at all. In fact he appeared quite normal. And that was because Harry gave Dimitri the wrong glass of juice. But no one drank the one with the potion.

As Neville ran away from the common room seeing the looks on Harry's, Ron's, and Draco's faces, the three boys went back to Dimitri. Harry was the first to recognize that Dimitri hadn't been given the potion at all. And that the glass was still there. So their plan wasn't yet foiled. Harry sorted through the glasses and found the one he mixed the potion with.

"What was that all about?" Dimitri asked as all three were seated.

"Oh nothing just Neville." Harry replied. He quickly told Ron and Draco about the mix up and that they were going to give him the potion filled one now.

The other two agreed and once again Harry passed out all the glasses. But Draco being the compete idiot he is, switched his glass with Dimitri because he just wanted to be "sure". Well you can imagine how that went.

As all four boys drank, Harry and Ron noticed Draco go into a stupor. His eyes were twitching a bit and he seemed like he had a gallon of firewhisky. Dimitri also noticed the changes and gave a worried glance to Harry and Ron.

"Erm does he always spike his drink with alcohol?" Dimitri asked curiously. 

."Er no though he does act like a drunk." Ron replied with a nod,

Harry realized that Draco had taken Dimitri's glass and now had taken the potion. He had to make sure no one said anything, such as a person's name or an object. But before Harry could warn Ron…

"HEY HARRY! RON?" a voice shouted through the portrait hole.

It was none other than Hermione, returning from the library. Then Malfoy suddenly jerked from his weird trance. His eyes had a sudden gleam in them. His eyes fell on Ron and Harry.

Harry suddenly got slapped with realization. 

"Erm Ron, might I make a quick and helpful suggestion?" Harry said hurriedly.

"What? Don't you want to say a random girls name to Dimitri so we can take Hermione?" Ron asked.

"Umm I don't think that's the main problem now." Harry said quickly as Draco put on a sickly sweet smile.

"Umm Ron I think we should run and fast." Harry said, looking at Draco with terrified eyes.

"But----why? I don't get –" But Ron was interrupted when Harry sprang from the room taking Ron with him. Draco saw them leave and got up too.

"Well what's with them?" Hermione asked as she went to Dimitri.

"I dunno but you have really weird friends Hermione." Dimitri said with a concerned glance.

"Yes well they're not completely mentally deranged all the time well except for Malfoy but he's a different case." Hermione replied back.

"Well I know this really good healer. He's an uncle of mine. Works in the mentally ill department. I am absolutely sure he can help with Harry. There's no shame in it really. I mean he's always so worked up and twitchy like. "

Hermione just shook her head and laughed.

"Well the ball is going to start soon I suppose I' better get ready then. See you soon."

Dimitri nodded and decided to get ready himself.

Now as for poor Harry and Ron, they were riding in the old broom closet where they would hear Malfoy's voice getting louder and louder.

"You can run but you cant hiiiiiiiiidddddddddeeee"

"Harry what the bloody has happened?" Ron asked with fear etched in his voice and face.

"I dunno stupid git Malfoy must have changed the glasses again. And now he has drank the potion and Hermione said out names—and"

"You mean he's in love with us?" Ron asked with a confounded look on his face as though he had been told Percy had freakishly murdered the Chudley Cannons.

"Yes I'm afraid so…I wonder how this spell will last. Ok we'll go find Fred and George and ask them what we can do.

"Yea but how are we going to get out with Romeo on the loose?" Ron asked, referring to Malfoy.

" Well I cant hear him now so we can make a safe getaway." Harry replied.

So the two boys quietly left the broom closet and headed for the common room. Fortunately, they found Fred and George in their corner again.

"Fred! We need your help! The potion you gave us yea that one we were going to give to Dimitri? Well that thick-brained git Malfoy drank it instead. And what's worse he heard mine and Ron's name and now he's after us!"

Fred and George stared at them for a few minutes. The they burst into laughter.

After about five minutes or so, the laughing finally died down to snickering.

" Ok well like we said earlier this potion wasn't really tested so we don't know how long the potion will stay and we don't know any spells to counter it. So I guess you're out of luck then" George replied with another chuckle.

"Well there must be something!" Harry and Ron said at once.

And there was. But they needed a special help of one of their enemies. And it wont be easy.

_OK whew! Yea I told you it wasn't that great. I just wrote whatever that came to mind. I don't think I am ever going to finish this :-\ Well, only one more chapter ( I think)_


	10. Dark Magic, 007, and Elmo

"Welllllllllllll…there is something…" Fred said with a peculiar grin on his face.

"And that would be?" Ron said with a look of desperation.

"Well it requires a ton of dark magic because this potion is really strong and that's the only type of magic that'll help you two." George replied.

"But who here knows dark magic?" Harry asked.

"How about Snape?" Ron said, giving a dark look.

"Nah… he's just a dark wizard poser/wannabe. He can barely do magic itself let alone _dark_ magic. Greasy twit " Fred replied with a shake of his head.

"Well then…who?" Ron asked with exasperation.

Fred and George exchanged dark glances between each other.

"He-who-must-not-be-named." They said in unison.

"WHO?" Harry shouted at once.

"Well I'm pretty sure you and him have met before Harry. Except it always included the fight for your life." Fred said.

"I know who, its Voldemort." Ron gasped loudly Shut up Ron. Its just is he the only one out there to help us? I never really thought I'd go to Voldemort another gasp from Ron Ron shut it. You see I'm usually trying to avoid him because, well you know, he just happens to want to KILL ME!" Harry said, obviously getting worked up.

"Well we understand Harry, ok we don't really, but he's the only option. I mean rather going to You-know-who for help then going out with Malfoy right?" George said.

"Well that is true." Harry nodded.

"But where is you-know-who?" Ron asked.

"Hmm we last heard from Jordan, who heard from Parvati, who heard from Lavender, who got the info from Seamus, who got it from Neville, who got it from his grandmother, who heard it from Mrs. Fig who heard it from her cat who heard it from Luna. " Fred said.

Harry and Ron both had daft looks on their faces.

"Look Fred, we asked where he is, not some news report." Harry said.

"So… where is you-know-who?" Ron asked, still trying to figure out who heard from who."

"Oh right well he's at Mungo's. He decided to finally get help. They had to create a whole new ward just for him! Because you know he has so many problems." George said.

"So we have to go to all the way to Mungo's? Harry asked.

"Well think of it this way Harry, if he tries to do us in, we can poke him with one of those pointy things those muggle nutters…erm doctors use to quiet the patients." Ron said.

"That's true…and we can get away from Malfoy, ask for the cure, use it, and then live happily ever after." Harry said gleefully.

"Well Hermione is still with Dimitri though," Ron added.

"oh right him. Maybe we can ask dear Voldy to help us uhh "take him out" Mwahahahahaha." Harry said, cackling.

"Righttt…. and maybe we can get you to see a therapist too! This trip wont be bad after all." Ron said.

So the boys went to Dumbledore to tell him about the problem and their trip to Mungo's.

"Password?" asked the stone gargoyle.

"Shaken not stirred." Harry said.

"The man needs to stop watching James Bond. Next, we might as well see him doing stunts carrying a bazooka and running after the Russians. Then again, we can get rid of Dimitri" Ron said smiling.  
Then the two boys went up to Dumbledore's office, where they heard the James bond theme song playing and Dumbledore was muttering to himself, saying "007" and such every now and then.

"Uhh Professor Dumbledore sir?" Harry asked quietly.

"Oh Hello Harry and Ron. So good to see you. What do you need?" Dumbledore asked.

Harry and Ron explained the whole thing to him.

Dumbledore laughed till he almost had a stroke.

"Well…snicker I suppose Voldemort is the only one to go to. I can allow you. I will make a portkey that will lead directly to his room. snicker I cant believe Mr. Malfoy is after you. I always thought of him as queer. Gets it from his dad I suppose. And Mr. Potter, I agree with Mr. Weasley. You should see a therapist. They have excellent ones there. I myself had to take Mr. Filch there once. Well good luck boys," And Dumbledore went of waltzing to the theme song.

"Well right but what about the portkey?" Harry asked.

"Oh yes that." So Dumbledore took a tickle-me-Elmo toy and transferred into a portkey. It laughed as it did.

"Er a muggle toy sir?" Harry asked unsure of this strange creepy looking thing little boys and girls played with it.

"Yes yes, delightful thing. It may come to use later. " And with that being said, Harry and Ron took the portkey.

"Ok one two three go!" And with a giggle from Elmo, Harry and Ron were off to the mentally deranged and psychotic ward. 

_So that's it, this story is done! Well there's a _**sequel. **Which I will be working on…soon. And I mean it. I think.


End file.
